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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she has been constantly taken by surprise by others. Her spouse left her, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle disappeared during that time, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She put in more effort in our friendship, likely understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many of her friends have disappeared leaving her sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both retired and are seeing time together, however, I feel my position between us is as the audience. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I try to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in for some time. I attempted to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She essentially just desired my agreement with her decisions. I've just come back from a month in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out demands strength and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel belong to you, of course. Step three is to question how you are both going to change the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for a set time."

This can be successful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject everything, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they have a story of their life they're unable to abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out defensively and then think your perspective. If you don't achieve an agreement, it provides satisfaction that you've been truthful.